Been There, Done That: Got The T-Shirt

Our beloved Tex is suffering a bit I hear because he won't take rabies medication. He's finding that raw, and sometimes still alive, chicken is tasting so damn good due to the rabies symptoms that he reckons it saves him money and time cooking them, and Tex eats a whole chicken every day, has done for years. Still he's battled thru rabies before, with very detrimental effects to his health, it's true, but he seems to think he can battle thru this one and that the raw chicken blood is the key to recovery. He's quite mad, obviously. Also, the eye patch is due to the fact that his halfwit son Jimster planted a razor blade, business side out, for the purpose of shredding bark from certain types of tree logs, on a post in the garden, and Tex, stumbling around the yard one night inebriated, fell on it and cut his eye completely in half. This left him with 3/4 stereoscopy, and so whatever he looks at now he sees one and a half images of it. So when his son walks in the room, he sees the real him, 6 foot tall, and a smaller version standing next to him, exactly half his actual size. Tex is on the look out for a half glass eye, not an easy thing to find. So for now, he must continue wearing the eye patch because what he sees without is, in his words, "a mite disturbin'" Long may he run...

(Let's Hope There's Gonna Be) Death Panels

Toxic Asses

TOXIC ASSES

I BEEN HEARING THIS TERM FOR ABOUT A YEAR
IT CAUSES SO MUCH PAIN
AND FILLS PEOPLE WITH FEAR
BUT I GOT TO ADMIT I GOT NO IDEA
WHO THE HELL ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES

ARE THEY THE FOLKS WHO ARE
INFECTED WITH THE ASIAN FLU
HERPES EBOLA AND THE MONKEY POX TOO
I MUST ADMIT I’M COMPLETELY CONFUSED
JUST WHO ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES

IS IT PANDEMIC IS IT RARE
AND WILL IT NAIL ME TO MY CHAIR
THERE SEEMS TO BE NO ANTIDOTE
AND I FEEL THIS TIGHTNESS IN MY THROAT
OH NO

REPEAT 1ST VERSE SOLO

I KNOW THEY’RE OUT THERE COS I HEARD
ON EVERY STATION IT’S THE WORD
THAT FILLS SO MANY HEARTS WITH GRIEF
AND WHEN WILL WE GET SOME RELIEF

IS IT THE GUY NEXT DOOR IS IT
THE GENTILES OR THE JEWS
IS IT THE FOLKS WHO TURN UP REGULAR ON FOX NEWS
I MUST ADMIT I’M COMPLETELY CONFUSED
WHO THE HELL ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES?



WHEN I FIRST HEARD THESE WORDS I SAID
WHAT THE HECK
I DON’T KNOW WHO THEY ARE
BUT THEY’RE A PAIN IN THE NECK
BUT I BET ONE OF THESE
DICKHEADS IS NAMED GLEN BECK
TELL ME WHO ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES
WHO THE HELL ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES
YEAH WHO ARE THESE TOXIC ASSES

Hardwired For Rockin'

HARDWIRED FOR ROCKIN’

WELL I LIVE IN A STATE OF UNITY
IN A GOOD OLD CHURCH COMMUNITY
BUT THERE’S NO IMMUNITY FROM SIN
AND I PLAY THE DEVILS RHYTHM
WITH THE SKILL I HAVE BEEN GIVEN
SO I WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN IN THE END

CHORUS#1

MY KINFOLK THINK IT’S SHOCKIN’
THAT I’M HARDWIRED FOR ROCKIN’
AND WITH ALL THE YEARS I’M CLOCKIN’
MY DOOM WILL SOON COME KNOCKIN’
AND I HOPE THAT THE GOOD
LORD LET’S ME IN
UNTIL THEN I’M
HARDWIRED FOR ROCKIN’

I WAS EATIN’ A FAJITTA
WITH A PRETTY SENORITA
I’VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO MEET HER FOR SO LONG
BUT I LOADED TOO MUCH HOT SAUCE
ON THE ENTRÉE AND THE FIRST COURSE
AND BY THE TIME I GOT TO DESSERT SHE WAS GONE

CHORUS#2 SHE FOUND IT MUCH TOO SHOCKIN’ ETC. ETC.


I WAS DOING THE MERANGAY
WITH A BLACK GIRL NAMED LaTANGAY
SHE DECIDED I WAS NOT GAY AFTER ALL
EVEN THOUGH I WORE A LOUD SHIRT
SO BRIGHT IT MADE YOUR EYES HURT
BUT IT DID LOOK QUEER WHEN I SLIPPED AND MADE A FALL

CHORUS#2

TEX SKERBALL: MY STORY

Hi you’all.  Firstly I would like to thank the kind folks at this website for providing me with a platform for my work.  I don’t have my own website and my halfwit son Jimster may let his fingers fly around the computer keyboard like he’s flying a goddam plane but he don’t know how to build a website yet.

I don’t know much about this Graham Parker fella or his buddy John but my music appears to have touched their souls so profoundly that they’ve given me this space to let loose. Anyhoo, I have been told that peoples are interested in my background and such, seeing as I’m new on the scene and all, so here’s a little bit of it.

Well, I have been around on the music scene for a while in actuality. Years back, I used to pick guitar and perform backing vocals behind a bunch of fine musicians known as the Buncie Family.  There was Algernon “Bobcat” Buncie on guitar and voice, his bride Brandine “Hatchet Face” Buncie on fiddle and voice and depending on availability, a few other of the Buncie clan would appear on stage, including Bobcat’s legendary brother Charlie “Sticky Head” Buncie on one string bass and any number of very talented Buncie kids.

But then that type of “Hollerin” music, as it was known in the backwoods at the time, went out of favor somewhat so I went back to earning a proper living doing what runs in my family, namely digging roots.  I know, I know.  I do say in my song “Glue ‘n’ Chickens” that I work all day at the loggin’ camp, but you can’t always believe a song. Although I have also been employed in that good trade from time to time but now the mountains where I come from are somewhat decimated due to overforestation or whatever that fancy word for cutting down too many trees is.

Digging roots?, you ask.  Well, that means going out to the marshy spots and pulling up moss. What use is moss?, you may also be asking.  Well, I pull up a whole mess of nice thick sphagnum moss and stash it in burlap sacks and keep it moist and all and a fella from the city comes along once a week and buys it from me.  Next time you buy yourself a ficus tree or whatnot from some fancy New York garden store you look at the moss they got packed around the pot and think of me.  Could have been me that pulled it! It’s a job that don’t seem to go out of style and I figure I’ll be doing it for years to come.  That’s digging roots.

What mountains you from, Tex?, you may also be asking.  Well, that don’t matter would be my answer!  Mountains is mountains and everyone who lives in them is crazy as hell anyhoo. But now since I been appearing on youtube people up here think I’m gonna quit the digging roots mountain life and go off and be some fancy pop star or something.  Uh uh.  I am getting calls from TV shows though but I watch how that David Letterman and all those clever fellas like him make fun of boys like me and I don’t think I’m gonna take the bait. No, I reckon I’ll probably continue to carry on as I have been and post a tune up now and again as the hankering comes to me.

My halfwit son Jimster may not be the brightest star in the firmament when it comes to academics but he’s smart as a two headed timber rattler in others and knows how to work this new computer that was donated to me from the back of a unguarded tractor trailer. And don’t forget to look over him and his monkey ass pals efforts they post under the handle “BagsNHags.”  Some funny stuff for just kids I’ll tell you what.  Makes me laugh fit to beat the band anyhoo.

Well, time I was getting on.  My retard brother Dashiel needs his supper and I gotta check on him to make sure he’s not gotten a hold of any of my chickens and a pot a sniffing glue cos he does unspeakable things if he gets his hands on those two parties, as my song will attest.  He lives up behind in the shed so I ain’t got far to go.

One other thing before I take my leave.  I have been told that I am a very political writer.  Well, there’s no excuse to being ill informed what with the internet and all and truth is I always was a reader, something some people up here frown upon but they just the ignorant ones and there’s fewer of them than you might think.

Some of thems predudiced too but I am not and I welcome Mr. Obama to have a set to at things after Bushie and his crowd used the country as their personal crapping hole.  I wish Mr. Obama luck.  He’s gonna need it.

Shoot, I can hear Dashiel hollering out there for his supper. You’all take care now and if you do buy some pricy Asian tree from some fancy garden store and the moss is all dried out, take it from me it was as fresh as a daisy the day I sold it to the man so it ain’t my fault.

All the best to you and have a great holiday season!

Tex.

Tex Skerball's Christmas Spacial

GLUE 'N' CHICKENS

WELL ME AND JED IS SMART AS THE DICKENS
WE PLAY GUITARS WITH FINGER PICKINS
NOW WE'RE NOT DRUIDS PAGANS OR WIKKANS
BUT WE PUT OUR FAITH IN GLUE 'N' CHICKENS

FUN AROUND HERE IS REAL SLIM PICKINS
YOU GOTTA HAVE FUN WITH GLUE 'N' CHICKENS

I HAD A GIRL WITH TWO GLASS EYES
ONE LOOKED LEFT AND THE OTHER LOOKED RIGHT
BUT EARLY ONE MORN TO MY SURPRISE
SHE UP AND LEFT WITH TWO OTHER GUYS

CHORUS #1

I WORK ALL DAY IN THE LOGGIN' CAMP
WITH THE DUST IN MY LUNGS AND MY CLOTHES ALL DAMP
I GOTTA GET CRAZY ON THE WEEKENDS
WITH A BUCKET OF GLUE AND A COUPLE OF HENS

PUT 'EM IN THE STEW TILL THE STEW THICKENS
AND GET ALL IT DONE WITH GLUE 'N' CHICKENS

GONNA GO DOWNTOWN AND TAKE ME A WIFE
COS THIS KINDA LIFE'S ONLY HALF A LIFE
BUT SHE BETTER UNDERSTAND COME THE WEEKEND
I GOTTA LET LOOSE WITH MY BEST FRIENDS

YEAH BANTAMS COCKERELS RHODE ISLAND REDS
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO A COUPLE OF HEADS
ME AND JED WE'S SMART AS THE DICKENS
AND WE PUT OUR FAITH IN GLUE 'N' CHICKENS

CHORUSES

God's Big Chess Game

GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME
DIDN’T QUITE WORK OUT FOR
SARAH PALIN AFTER ALL
HOW COULD THAT BE
WHEN SHE PEAYED TO THE LORD
MAYBE THE LORD WAS JUST BORED WITH IT ALL
GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME X2

NOW JAMES DOBSON SAID
WHY DIDN’T GOD’S SON INTEVENE
WHEN WE NEEDED HIM TO GET INBETWEEN
WE KNEW MCCAIN WAS A FLAKE AND BANE
BUT SARAH PALIN, WELL, SHE WAS OUR QUEEN X2
GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME X2

NOW HE MOVES THE MUSLIMS
ALL OVER THE BOARD
LIKE HE MOVES THE CHRISTIANS
IN THE NAME OF THE LORD
SEPERATING THE WHEAT FROM
THE CHAFF BY THE SWORD
GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME

MAKING TORNADOS
THAT FLATTEN THE MIDWEST
CREATING TSUNAMIS AND
PLAGUES OF PESTS
SETTIN OFF EARTHQUAKES
VOLCANOS TECTONIC PLATES
AND PUTTING A HEART ATTACK
RIGHT UNDER YOUR VEST
GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME

BUT HOW COME THE LORD
JUST DIDN’T SEE FIT
IT’S HARD TO IMAGINE
HE DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT
AFTER ALL HE BROUGHT HER A PIPELINE
CLOTHES FROM SAKS THAT LOOKED SO FINE
WHY COULDN’T HE CLOSE THE DEAL
AND MAKE HER YOURS AND MINE

GOD’S BIG CHESS GAME…