Joe the Plumber

JOE THE PLUMBER HE’S A COWBOY
GONNA GIVE HIM A BAD RAP
HE RE-ROUTED MY WHOLE SYSTEM
NOW MY WATER TASTES LIKE CRAP

JOE SIX PACK HE’S AN ASSHOLE
HE JUST HANGS OUT IN THE BAR
SPOUTIN HIS IGNORANT RIGHT WING DIATRIBES
THEN HE THROWS UP IN YOUR CAR

THESE PEOPLE ARE NONE TOO BRIGHT
THEY CAN’T SAVE AMERICA FROM IT’S PLIGHT
THEY NEVER VOTE LEFT AND THEY’RE JUST
USED BY THE RIGHT
THEY LIKE HAMBURGER PATTIES
NOT MOCHAS AND LATTES HEY HEY YEAH

FRED THE BAKER WHAT A FAKER
HE’S AS WHITE BREAD AS IT COMES
THEY CALL HIM A PARADIGM OF REAL AMERICA
I GUESS THAT’S COS HE’S DUMB

MIKE THE MECHANIC HE’S IN A PANIC
COS I’M GONNA SUE HIS ASS
HE RUINED MY TRANSMISSION INCREASED MY IMMISIONS
AND DOUBLED MY CONSUMPTION OF GAS

THESE PEOPLE ARE NONE TOO SMART
DON’T LET ‘EM RIDE THE HORSE
THEY CAN PUSH THE CART
THEY’RE UNLIKELY TO CREATE A WORK OF ART
THEY LIKE HAMBURGER PATTIES
NOT MOCHAS AND GELATIS HEY HEY YEAH
SOLO

JOE THE PLUMBER WHAT A BUMMER
HE’S AS THICK AS TWO SHORT PLANKS
HE’LL LEAVE YOUR WATER
SMELLING OF SULPHER
AND BUST YOUR WATER TANKS
HE LIKE HAMBURGER PATIES
NOT MOCHAS AND LATTES HEY HEY YEAH

Hunter S. Thompson's 44th Nightmare

THE BEASTS HAVE FEASTED FOR THE LAST TWO TERMS
THEY HAD THEIR SNOUTS IN THE TROUGH
AND FILLED THE APPLES WITH WORMS
THEY LEFT THEIR FILTH ALL OVER THE BARNYARD FLOOR
THEY ROLLED IN BLOOD WITH THEIR FRIENDS THE WHORES

THEY DUG UP THE TRUFFLES AND ATE THEM THEMSELVES
THEY SNORTED THE ACORNS AND THREW US THE SHELLS
DEVOURED THE MEAT THEY LIKE IT RED RAW
AND SHAT THEIR MUCK ONTO THE WHITE HOUSE FLOOR

CHORUS

DON’T LET THE FOX BACK INTO THE HENHOUSE
DON’T LET THE WOLF TAKE CARE OF THE SHEEP
A PIG WITH LIPSTICK IS STILL A PIG
A REPTILE IN DISGUISE WITH A BEEHIVE WIG
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND I HEARD AN ALARM X2
DON’T LET THE SWINE TAKE OVER THE FARM (NOT AGAIN X2)

THEY PAINTED THE WALLS WITH GORE AND SLIME
GREASED THE PITS WITH OIL AND LIME (GRIME?)
TARRED AND FEATHERED THE DISSENTING FEW
NOW THEY’RE LICKING THEIR CHOPS
OVER THE THOUGHT OF MOOSE STEW

THEY DID NOT HAVE TO LOOK THAT FAR
TO CREATE A CLONE IN A LABORATORY JAR
A HUMAN/ANIMAL HYBRID THING
A DEVIL-EYED HUSKY WITH A POISON STING

CHORUS